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Why is it so hard?

Zander Townend

June 25th, 2019

Even When...

Even when you HAVE accepted that you have a problem with alcohol or drugs - it's hard. 
Even when you HAVE accepted that you have a problem with people, places and things - it's hard.

It takes time...

We all come in with deeply ingrained emotional and thinking habits of negativity, self criticism and self hate, and of automatically using addictive behaviors to try to solve the pain we feel. Those patterns take time and effort to learn about, to identify what a better choice in any situation could look like, and to make the change to using that better choice.

Who am I - really?

For many of us, our emotional maturity was stunted before we answered key questions about who we are. These questions get answered in our teens and through our twenties and thirties - and they're even challenging for "normal" people. 

Instead, our emotional experiences led us to make decisions about who we are that came from the trauma we experienced, and / or from the way our thinking and feeling was distorted by addiction.

Learning a HEALTHY sense of who we are - separate from the strong negative early
associations we developed - is often very challenging.

Redesigning ourselves

This requires us to identify with different images of our self. Those new images of our self require us to do difficult, challenging, and self-confronting emotional work. ​​This kind of emotional work is something that few of us have any good skills at doing when we are new - so that makes this work difficult. 

Adding to this difficulty, we have old patterns of identifying who and what and how to build trust that in the past often led us into emotional pain, because we made ultimately bad choices.

What do we tend to do when faced with emotional challenges - especially emotional pain? 

Our typical answer to emotional pain is where addiction kicks in. This is where relapse, and the option of using, presents itself as a good, reasonable, and even preferred choice - until we truly "get it" that it won't work for us any more.

We need more than just a bandaid

That's why we need a program.
That's why we need meetings.
That's why we need other group members.
That's why we need the literature.
That's why we need a sponsor.

And... That's why - and when - we may need outside help 
I certainly needed all of these, and I've received great benefit from all of them - to the point where I've worked in the addiction field, in one capacity or another, since 1990.

Keep Coming Back
Learn how addiction works so you'll recognize when it's working in your feelings and thoughts.
Learn how to ask for the specific help you need, from people who prove themselves reliable.
Learn how you develop trust, in yourself and others. 
Remember that trusting ourselves and other people appropriately is a big problem for most of

IF you would like to investigate how my coaching and training could help you with any of this, then schedule a "Claity, Insight and Strategy Session" call with me (see the "Schedule" link at the top of this page, or CLICK HERE), or click the button below...

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The owner of this website is not a licensed doctor and is not providing medical advice, or diagnosing or treating any condition you may have. We are not your doctor.
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© Zander Townend, 2018. All rights Reserved