Breaking Free
of the Shackles of
"I Am Addiction"

Zander Townend

July 15th, 2019

This poem was sent to me in 1987. At that point, I was the editor of a recovery newsletter, and this was an anonymous contribution. It also quickly became a favorite, as it gives me tools for recognizing when and how I'm subject to the influence of addiction (or for those who haven't yet made the equation: alcoholism).

​I hope you also find it useful.
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Yes, I still have moments when I hear what I call "The voice of Addiction"... I use that awareness as a reminder - kind of like a friendly "poke in the ribs" - that I am off centre in some way.

"Centre yourself first in wholeness"

“Centre yourself first in wholeness” is a tag line I use in my coaching and training practice. It comes from my readings of Taoism. This is an instruction to those who want health, vitality, and to be able to embody their highest self. The purpose of this embodiment is to drive forward, to take actions that move us further towards our Destiny - the best blend we can make of the energies of Heaven and Earth.

But it's much more than just a tag line.

Knowing when - and learning how - to "Centre myself first in wholeness" is a foundation stone for me in my emotional health and recovery tool kit. This toolkit is my collection of a life changing set of skills. Being able to use my awareness of my emotional balance allows me to catch myself whenever I'm off balance. When needed, I can choose to change my emotional "setting", with my self-and-other care skills.

This isn't like "winning a lottery can change your life" - that's luck and outside of direct influence (other than buying a ticket, of course). 

When I use these emotional awareness and "coming back to my centre" skills, I'm able to create changes that fall into the category of "the difference that makes a difference".

What are these skills?

There are lots of them, and yet they fall under easily describable practices.

They are things like: 
a) Breath and Body awareness (I primarily use Medical Qigong and Tai Qi; playing music; singing; chanting; meditation; swimming; and juggling); 
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b) Emotional awareness: having the 5 Elemental Process' model has been the most helpful for organizing and making sense of how to work with my emotions. 

c) Cognition awareness: being able to recognize the nature of my thoughts. Seeing which direction they want to push me allows me to work skillfully to bring about change. 

All together, these are such important pivot points for helping me “come home” whenever I lose myself. Being able to do this is part of the gifts of long term recovery.
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Do I have to wait and hope "I'm lucky...?"

... "lucky enough" to get "long term recovery?" Or can I accelerate the process?
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If you really want to learn how to do this for yourself, you can. Learning it takes dedication and daily work - and like all things, the work you put in yields results, when you do it!